*I wrote this back in February on how I was adjusting. Sorry it took so long to post*
There is nothing like returning to a
place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have
altered.
-Nelson Mandela,
'A Long Walk to Freedom'
I’ve been putting off writing this blog for a good
long time now. I arrived back in Colorado two months ago and have tried to
start multiple times but am continuously distracted by the wonders of high
speed internet, movies and good craft beers. But I’ve done a lot of
“reflecting” the past couple weeks and think I may be ready to put my thoughts
and emotions into concrete words. So I’m going to try and we’ll see what I
produce.
Leaving Dombe, and ultimately Mozambique, was tough.
Overall I felt ready to go and was happy to be finishing the school year but
actually getting on the chapa for that final trip through the mountains was
surprisingly emotional. One of the last national exams was underway that
morning and as Mona and I ran to the road with what was left of our possessions
on our backs, proctoring teachers waved goodbye from their classroom doors and
I caught sight of a few kids watching from a neighbor’s quintal. We barely
spoke on that three hour ride, both of us fighting back tears and headphones firmly
in our ears, but by then I feel like Mona and I had figured out how to gauge
the others state of emotion. Really no words were needed. It helped knowing
someone else knew how I felt.
Chimoio and Maputo were blurry with final
adventures, teary goodbyes and a fair number of Manicas. My two years of
service were ending and a part of me felt like I had just arrived. As I hopped
around outside Marika’s office, anxiously waiting to get my final signature and
that sought after ‘R’ (I would then be an RPCV or Returned Peace Corp
Volunteer), I began to allow myself to look forward to what was happening next
– Cape Town, Greece and ultimately Americaland!
And those trips were incredible. The final days of Peace Corp-esque life
in Cape Town with wine tours, great white shark diving, hiking and daily happy
hours. The history and pure astonishment at every site in Greece and the time
spent catching up with family over glasses of wine and Greek specialties. But I
was ready to be back in the States with a few luxuries, my friends and my car.
So now it’s February and I’ve had all the foods I
had been missing, caught up with friends around town and with those more
distant on Skype and that fancy gchat thing, got a well-paying although
mindless job and am saving money for my next big adventure. But lately I feel
like something is missing. So many of the amazing things in America that I dreamed
of from my little bed in Dombe have lost their shine. Day to day life over
there was often repetitive and could be tedious but the little challenges and
unexpected tasks kept me on my toes. And looking back, even the small
annoyances I complained about were charming in a way - a neighbor child telling
me I was cooking my beans incorrectly, a student knocking on my door at 7am with
a homework question and even hand washing my laundry. Now you may be thinking
that those things are charming now that I’m away from them and you’d probably
be right. I think what I’m missing is the simplicity of it all. Two years of
that quiet, straightforward life left me unprepared for the constant hustle and
bustle of the U.S. and it’s starting to take a toll on my psyche. The things I
thought were so important before just don’t seem as necessary now. And with the
tragic flooding happening over in Moz, where over 200,000 people are displaced without
clean drinking water or proper medical care, I’ve been getting more fed up with
the greediness and materialism I see so often here. I’m not innocent of this
charge myself but what I saw throughout Mozambique has given me a perspective
too few people here understand.
I’m happy to be home with my family and friends,
don’t get me wrong, but when left alone with my thoughts I often feel
disheartened. The last two years have been about service and to some degree
personal sacrifice. I wasn’t exactly saving the world but I was there to help
my students and community by bringing them skills, opportunities and knowledge.
I felt like I had a greater purpose, that my work was meaningful. My current
job is mindless and thankfully temporary. It is what I need right now – good
pay, flexible schedule, nice coworkers – but it’s not exactly benefitting
anyone nor it is mental stimulating or getting me any closer to a more
permanent work situation. The idea of suffering through a job I hate just to
make money doesn’t sound like a future I want. So I’m looking into
opportunities abroad that focus on service, sustainability, environmental
awareness and social entrepreneurship. And in the meantime I’ll be spending the
summer back in Africa working for an amazing Denver-based company with similar
ideals.
**And now I'm here in Rwanda with ThinkImpact. More to come!**
